DeanZine

Dear Amelia,

What do you suggest I do with my 1 year old daughter who it seems has an obsession with picking her nose? Not only is it highly embarrassing in public but she has actually started making it bleed all the time now from her constant 'fingering!'

Any advice would be extremely useful!

Kat

Dear Kat,

In the primate world, picking and eating tasty bits of skin and assorted bugs while grooming yourself, or your neighbor, is considered the height of social etiquette. It's an extremely relaxing and calming pursuit, for both the groomer and the groomee, and is an important means of defusing and resolving potentially violent conflicts. I highly recommend it. I also recognize that among humans this sort of behavior is often frowned upon, however, I would not completely discourage it, rather, I would try to redirect your child's picking tendencies into a more socially palatable pursuit. It may be that your child has the sort of propensity to picking that would make her an ideal seamstress or perhaps with her talents she has a future as a professional pick-pocket or lock-picker. I believe it's important to nourish every child's unique gifts, instead of squashing them, simply because they don't conform to the social norms of the day. But if this redirection doesn't solve the problem and she continues picking her nose, despite your protestations, just give her a good solid smack upside the head and that should resolve the issue.

I know it's not polite to ask a lady her age, but, if you don't mind: just exactly how old are you? And how long do Capuchin monkeys generally live for? I hope you don't consider me rude for asking these personal questions. I'm just...

Plain Curious

Dear Curious: It's quite all right for you to ask my age, and I'd be happy to reveal it - if I only knew! I'm not being coy, it's just that what with my being kidnapped from my birthplace in South America at an early age, smuggled into America, via Egypt, in my adolescent and forced into indentured servitude for a decade until Dean's wife Alison finally rescued me from Albert Einstein Medical Center, I seem to have misplaced my birth certificate. I know I don't look it, but my best guess is that I'm like that popular TV series: thirty-something. As to Capuchin longevity, from what I hear, Capuchins in the wild can live into their thirties, but Capuchins raised in captivity, like myself, have been known to live even longer - some, well into their fifties.

Uh, can you say something to Ralph Nader to get him off the ballot?

Your admirer, Carlito Darwin

Dear C. Darwin: I understand your sentiments regarding the troublesome Mr. Nader, but you can't help but admire the guy's gosh-darned, Mule-ish stubbornness. And I can't really refute some of his contentions, namely that America needs a third party alternative and also that, ultimately, he didn't cause the Democrats to lose the elections, Al Gore did that all by himself, mainly by losing his own state of Tennessee and not being anywhere near as sly, crafty and deceitful (important qualities in a world leader) as the Bushes. Having said that, I do agree with those who would rather see him deliver his constituency to the Democrat Donkeys, this time around. Keep in mind, Darwin (any relation?) that, as you well know, given your surname, Donkeys reproduce - Mules don't.

	DeanZine - July 2004
	Ask Amelia


	Dear Amelia, What do you suggest I do with my 1 year old daughter who it seems has an obsession with picking her nose? Not only is it highly embarrassing in public but she has actually started making it bleed all the time now from her constant 'fingering!' Any advice would be extremely useful! Kat Dear Kat, In the primate world, picking and eating tasty bits of skin and assorted bugs while grooming yourself, or your neighbor, is considered the height of social etiquette. It's an extremely relaxing and calming pursuit, for both the groomer and the groomee, and is an important means of defusing and resolving potentially violent conflicts. I highly recommend it. I also recognize that among humans this sort of behavior is often frowned upon, however, I would not completely discourage it, rather, I would try to redirect your child's picking tendencies into a more socially palatable pursuit. It may be that your child has the sort of propensity to picking that would make her an ideal seamstress or perhaps with her talents she has a future as a professional pick-pocket or lock-picker. I believe it's important to nourish every child's unique gifts, instead of squashing them, simply because they don't conform to the social norms of the day. But if this redirection doesn't solve the problem and she continues picking her nose, despite your protestations, just give her a good solid smack upside the head and that should resolve the issue. Dear Amelia, I know it's not polite to ask a lady her age, but, if you don't mind: just exactly how old are you? And how long do Capuchin monkeys generally live for? I hope you don't consider me rude for asking these personal questions. I'm just... Plain Curious Dear Curious: It's quite all right for you to ask my age, and I'd be happy to reveal it - if I only knew! I'm not being coy, it's just that what with my being kidnapped from my birthplace in South America at an early age, smuggled into America, via Egypt, in my adolescent and forced into indentured servitude for a decade until Dean's wife Alison finally rescued me from Albert Einstein Medical Center, I seem to have misplaced my birth certificate. I know I don't look it, but my best guess is that I'm like that popular TV series: thirty-something. As to Capuchin longevity, from what I hear, Capuchins in the wild can live into their thirties, but Capuchins raised in captivity, like myself, have been known to live even longer - some, well into their fifties. Dear Amelia, Uh, can you say something to Ralph Nader to get him off the ballot? Your admirer, Carlito Darwin Dear C. Darwin: I understand your sentiments regarding the troublesome Mr. Nader, but you can't help but admire the guy's gosh-darned, Mule-ish stubbornness. And I can't really refute some of his contentions, namely that America needs a third party alternative and also that, ultimately, he didn't cause the Democrats to lose the elections, Al Gore did that all by himself, mainly by losing his own state of Tennessee and not being anywhere near as sly, crafty and deceitful (important qualities in a world leader) as the Bushes. Having said that, I do agree with those who would rather see him deliver his constituency to the Democrat Donkeys, this time around. Keep in mind, Darwin (any relation?) that, as you well know, given your surname, Donkeys reproduce - Mules don't.
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