Dean's Newsletter - Real Audio
Volume 3, Issue 2- March 1 '99
How's it going, folks?
Life complicated? Concerned about the future? Not sure if the Y2K problem is real or a figment of the media's imagination? Should you stock up on canned goods and buy a gas generator or should you just arm yourself to the teeth? Worried about... Earthquakes? Volcanoes? Falling meteors? Global warming? Superviruses? Receding hairline? Memory loss? Squeaky car brakes? Rising cost of health insurance (Note to UK residents: health insurance is another one of those quaint American institutions), more importantly: ARE YOU IN POSSESSION OF A VALID TV LICENSE???
In other words... are you experiencing STRESS in your life?
If the answer is no, then one of the following conditions probably applies:
1. You are on drugs.
2. You are still in a coma following a serious car crash.
3. You have accepted the Lord into your heart.
4. You are under the influence of mind controlling aliens.
5. You are a fern or some other type of leafy plant.
6. You are having sex at this very moment.
7. You are a fat, overfed house-cat.
8. You are still in-utero.
9. You have just undergone spontaneous combustion.
10. You are probably a leafy plant on drugs having sex with an overfed alien house-cat.
On the other hand, if the answer is yes, then I might be able to offer a simple solution to these and other problems. No, I'm not selling online prescriptions of Viagra or Rogaine, although that's an interesting idea. (There's a 'hairy palm' punch line in there somewhere). No, what I'm offering is non-toxic, low-cost and approved by the Food and Drug Administration as a safe, natural, over-the-counter stress remedy.
What is it? What substance could possibly provide this kind of dramatic relief from the anxiety and stress of daily life? Could it be legal? Is there a catch? Has this ridiculous sales pitch gone on too long? Shouldn't you be paying bills or doing your taxes instead of reading silly junk mail from some crazy American? Will I get to the point already?!!!
O.K., O.K. So, what is it that can help ease the turmoil of modern life?
Why, music, of course. Dean Friedman CD's to be precise. Taken aurally, at least once a day (consult your family musychian for appropriate dosage), Dean Friedman CD's have been proven to have a beneficial effect in the promotion of hairgrowth, the alleviation of menstrual cramps, as well as various neurosis including multiple personality syndrome. Tests have also shown, conclusively, that regular exposure to Dean Friedman CD's can improve and enhance your spatial perception, your sense of balance, your sex life and your tennis game.
In some studies, a small percentage of people have experienced side-effects which include the following: forgetting the lyrics to your own songs, an addiction to, that is, an inability to keep yourself from rhyming and, uh... lousy timing.
"So," you're wondering, "How can I tell for sure if Dean Friedman music is good for what ails me?"
NOW for an INDEFINITE TIME ONLY, you can actually hear tracks from Dean Friedman's critically acclaimed CD's.. FOR FREE!!!
YES! That's right. FOR FREE! No kidding... OK, OK, I'll stop with the long drawn out buildup. Actually, I'm pleased to report that I've just added REAL AUDIO to the Dean Friedman website which now enables you to listen to REAL AUDIO files of sample tracks from all four albums. To hear them you'll need the latest version (G2) of RealPlayer. If you don't currently have the latest version (G2) of RealPlayer you can download it for free via a link on my website and listen to radio quality full-length versions of favorites like Ariel, Lydia and Lucky Stars as well as brand new favorites off the new album Songs for Grownups including Sandy, Hob-Nobbin', Saturday Fathers and Jennifer's Baby.
To hear Dean in RealAudio GOTO: http://deanfriedman.com then click on AUDIO
Check it out. It works. And it's free and it took me a whole week to put together so you better have a listen!
And then, of course, my diabolical plan goes into effect. Because, you see, after listening to all this free stuff online for a while, very gradually you'll start to develop a subtle addiction to those alternately wry and poignant lyrics, those entrancing melodies and intoxicating rhythms etc... until you'll be COMPELLED AGAINST YOUR WILL to click on the CD ORDER page and order your very own copies of all my CD's for yourself and as gifts for your friends.
To order CD's GOTO: http://deanfriedman.com then click on ORDER
If anyone objects to this manipulative and insidious plot feel free to post a message in the GENERAL COMMENTS area of the CHAT ROOM in the HOB-NOBBIN' section of the Dean Friedman website.
To kvetch GOTO: http://deanfriedman.com then click on HOB-NOBBIN', then CHAT
Oh, by the way...
BBC RADIO2 to broadcast Dean-IN-CONCERT at SHEPHERD'S BUSH EMPIRE on MARCH 13th.
I received confirmation today that the BBC Radio 2 live in-concert recording of my Shepherd's Bush Empire gig from last May will finally air on Saturday evening March 13th from 8:00-9:00pm London time.
You're all invited to tune in to hear me with a terrific band comprised of a super group of UK musicians including Pete Clarke (bass), Tim Bye (drums), Michael Casswell (guitar) and Mix (sax and keyboards).
And if you like the radio broadcast, feel free to write, fax, or email BBC RADIO 2 and tell them how much you dug the concert and then you can strongly urge them to start playing more tracks off of the new "Songs for Grownups" album!!
Well, I think that's all I have to say for now. I covered the two main points of this newsletter:
1. RealAudio now available on the deanfriedman.com site.
2. BBC Radio2 In-Concert w/ Dean Friedman at the Shepherd's Bush Empire
Oh, and I'd appreciate it if you could keep spreading the word about the new album, the website and the upcoming Radio2 concert, that way I won't have to rely on some stupid record company in order to continue to afford my ostentatious, jet-set (read: marginal middle class) life style.
Thanks for listening. See you online.
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